Inspiration never kicked in yet. I kinda feel myself picking up a bit. Just a lil. But it's not enough. Why does it feel like things are falling apart? But nothing changed.

How weird.

I have been thinking what I want to do. I love cooking and was wondering if I wanted to look further into culinary arts. (yeah i pwn in the kitchen, bitch). I like the feeling of making someone happy with what I made. I like comforting people with food. I like making people fat. XDDD

I also like cutting hair. I'm not that good yet :P but I'm pretty good. I cut my friends' hair. They ask for favors that benifit me. While I give them a look I practice. Practice makes perfect, right? My mom has even asked me if I wanted to go to school for cosmotology or hair design and shiz like that, but that was a long time ago and I had no idea I would have the knack for it. So what do I do?

I want to open my own business, but where do I start?

I don't know. Me and my friends even discussed future business plans (even though they were out of the norm XD) but doing something different catches attention. So I dont know. Both fields have a lot to cover.

Until next time....
-Joey

I wish I can just confront her about how much of a liar she is. I wish I can tell her that she can be completely honest with me and tell me what she doesn't like about me. I wish that she would just stay true to her words and tell me to my face.

Instead she writes a three page letter... To kelly. Saying something about how I'm "Nosey as shit?" First of all bitch use cuss words correctly. You posted a bulletin on myspace. Bulletins are public messages that go out to ALL of your friends. So... If I'm nosey... Then so is everyone else that reads your bulletins...

So... when I messaged her about what she said she claimed that it wasn't even about me or my other friends. I can tell she is just trying to make me admit that I truly did purposely:

Leave her out - No... we just didn't care to call you is all. She does the same shit.

Make fun of her for not understand slang phrases - yeah we did. But it was all a joke. Nothing to get mad about. And so she calls the people who uses slang "low class" and claims she is a "higher class" Okay... But can you blame us if we know how to speak BOTH?

Then she writes all this other crap about helping friends. And asking herself what was the point when they are all failing. Was I supposed to admit that too? That yeah. All of them do have to spend another year in school. So? Let them. She has no right to complain about it. Was she trying to prove how superior she was to them?

And then she writes a list of her "TRUE" friends. If I can remember... Those were all people she barely hung out with. People she doesn't even see outside of school. She tends to write about people who don't even really consider her as part of their group of friends only to make her other friends(the ones that know her best) feel left out.

Reject those before they reject you. Is what I call that move. You purposely don't acknowledge your friends so you will superior to them. Kinda like knocking them down a peg so you will always be higher. I know that move well. I have fallen victim to that before and have done it to others myself.

The thing is. I did that back then. When I was unsure of myself and my placement in my group of friends. I guess it just means that she is still insecure about herself.

When I replied to the bulletin she wrote, I was in no way trying to attack her or start a fight with her in any way. I just wanted to share my feelings and see if she had anything else to say about me. She kept saying stuff like it wasn't directed to us, "I don't know why you guys would think that."

Come on. Are you serious. We fit the description so well. Don't try to make us feel dumb by telling you how "low class" we are and all that other crap.

Plus, how am I not going to think that you wrote this about me? You have done this before. You can't deny that. You have betrayed my trust and our friendship just last year. You couldn't really think that I would completely forgive you for that, could you? That we would just be perfect friends again like we used to? I've always had my doubts about you in the past anyways. Always talking behind your friends' backs.

You told me how you used to think of me as your sister. I thought of you the same way. When John was gone, I had no other friend like him around and so I started hanging out with you. You were my best friend at the time. And then you started to ruin it all with all your shit talking and lies.

And then you have the nerve to say that we were just using you? Bitch, no one asks you to pay, no one always expects a ride from you, no one expects you to do everything. Did you really think that the only reason I was your friend was for your money or something? You could have been dirt broke and I would have still been your friend. Did you really think that every time you offered to pay I didn't feel guilty in any way? Of course you wouldn't know. Because either way in the back of your head, you wanted to hold that power over us. The thought of owing you back was always in my head. Whether it was in money, gifts, or in favors. I never cared about money. I just cared about being a good friend and being fair.

So anyways. About the 3 page letter. Since she stopped replying to my messages, I thought that maybe she has said everything she wanted to say about me. But I guess not. My name appeared in that letter more than a few times. Saying things like how I was talking shit and was being nosey... Yeah... If she truly felt that way, I don't know why she just didn't tell me in the messages that she sent. I thought that we left this thing with no hard feelings. I mean sure there was still more I wanted to say to her, but I figured she wouldn't want to talke to me anymore. But I guess she still had more to say... hmm...

She also wrote about some of my other friends like Alyshia and Alan. I'm not sure what she wrote about Alan, but she wrote how my other friends would go over to John's house because we are "freeloaders." That really pissed me off because she doesn't know the situation. She doesn't know why we go. She doesn't know if John is maybe feeling lonely and wants some company or entertainment. She doesn't know if we are "freeloading." She said she doesn't like inviting herself because it's rude. And no matter how much the host says it's okay it's still wrong. 

I think the same way. I don't invite myself anywhere either. But me and John have a relationship where we can do anything together. We don't need to be so formal with eachother. Don't talk about things you don't understand.

Are you telling me going to my best friend's house is wrong? Is it wrong if we have fun without you? Is it wrong that we like to hang out together?

She also complained about how Alyshia goes home at 11 pm or something like that.

How the fuck would you know what time Aly goes home? Why the fuck would you care? And you call me nosey.

And then she said that the bulletin was about her old friend Moneca....

LIE!

If I can remember, Moneca was listed as a "true friend" in her bulletin. Why would you go on a big ass rant about someone and then write how good they are in the same bulletin? Either way, it's fucked up.

Saying that just made her look like an even bigger ass than before.

Don't try to cover up what you said by saying it's about someone else. That's the stupidest thing I have ever seen you do.

So anyways... I wrote this because all these thoughts have been fighting to break free. This was just a start.

I am not going to let someone right a secret letter that has a whole bunch of shit talk about me and my friends without letting me get a word in to defend my honor. But of course you knew that.

When I first heard about what she wrote. It pissed me off so much. I wanted to call her. I was so ready to call her, but then it hit me.

I have no right to.

This was a personal note from her to Kelly. I had no right to tell her how I felt about it. I had no right to call her out.

We weren't even supposed to know that a note existed.

But there was so much I wanted to say. So much I wanted to do. I knew I couldn't let her get away with more lies, more shit talking, more of the same bullshit she's been doing. But there was nothing I could do. I was so mad. So frustrated.

I couldn't stop thinking about what she said. I don't think I've ever been so mad.

But at least I've let go of some of my anger. Even though a simple blog isn't going to be sufficient.

I don't think anyone will understand how much this pissed me off. She really was my friend. I really did think highly of her... until she started talking shit and betrayed me.

I just hope that some day she will understand that what she did was not cool. She has lost many friends by having such a fucked up attitude.

Now the only choice I have is to let it ALL go. That is going to take a very long time.

So I went to the doc's office to get a check up. It was me, my mom, and... my dog.... He's a small chihuahua...  mind you.

So anyways I went to the doctor and I had to wear this nice and breezy gown. Woo!!! Anyways. That all went well. Then she told me I still had to do a follow up on my last shots... So she gave me a sheet aout what I need to get and I guess there was like 5 I needed to get. So later we go up to the treatment center to order the shots and when I gave the lady my sheet she was like. "whoa..."

I'm just like.... "Oh that's right... That's kind of a big number for shots, huh..."

So anyways they call my name and I go in and then it dawned on me... "Oh yeah... There's FIVE....." Five shots, man.... And it's the ones that hurt... Not those pussy ass Flu shots either.

Left arm...
First shot: Ok...
Second shot: Painful
Third shot: More painful than the first yet less painful than the third.

Right arm...
Fourth shot: Ok...

And then she said, "I saved the worst for last."

And then she stabbed me!
Fifth shot: PAINFUL!!! but not so bad that I yelled or anything.

And then I put my jacket back and when I faced her she held something out fot me...

A SPONGEBOB STICKER!!! AWESOME!!!

That shit is going straight on my longboard!

Anyways... After that I wondered outloud why she didn't do the worst one first instead of last.. You know... So when the worst part is over everything is just gravy and sugar after that....

So yeah... Then I had to go to the lab to get some blood drawn...

Yay! Another needle thrown at me!!!

That wasn't bad at all. In fact I felt nothing. Just like last time.

I watched her fill up three little glass tube thingies and it looked pretty cool...

It goes from the needle- through a narrow tube- then into the glass tube thingy.

When she was done with the last tube thingy she pulled out the needle and held up the narrow tube that the blood went through before it goes into the glass tube thingy up in the air for like a split second. There was still blood in that little tube.... And I was thinking...

I want it....

But before I could have asked I remembered... Psh... I don't need that... She might just think I'm weird...

Weird... Hahaha!

Yeah... So on the 36 bus ride home I sat in the back with my dog on my lap and a couple stops after I got on this white dude with guaged ears sits next to me. He admires my dog out loud and I don't pay much mind...

He keeps looking at my dog.

When we hit China Town he moves closer to me cause people need to sit down and whatnot. And for some reason I keep feeling his shoulder brush up against mine.

Eh.. you know... It's just a shoulder brush... no big deal.

Then I notice in my reflection on the window.... he keeps looking at me... Not at my dog.... but at my face... *shivers* I don't like when people do that...

So I turn around and glance at him... He looks forward.... Hmm... okay... No big deal as long as he stops.

As the person on the other side of him gets off, he makes no effort to move over and give me a little more space... That's okay though, I'm not too shy about sitting close to people...

I think he said something about my dog but I had my headphones on so I didn't hear him that well and I didn't care enough to ask what he said...

So then he gets up looks at me and then gets off the bus. As the bus pulls away he is facing my direction and the bus is moving slow enough to make sure we make full eye contact...

He stares.

I glance.

He smiles and winks ever so slightly.

I smirk...

And then I thought to myself... "Wtf was that?"

So there you have it.

6 needles and white guy winks at me.

I must say my day was pretty interesting...

Well... until next time...